


if our love is tragedy (why are you my remedy)

by colferstilinski



Series: transcendence [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Drabble, Established Relationship, M/M, Until it isn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-18 05:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/876384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colferstilinski/pseuds/colferstilinski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some days he still thinks that he is -- in denial, that is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if our love is tragedy (why are you my remedy)

It’s been three years and a little bit. Stiles truthfully hasn’t kept count ever since the two year mark passed. He knows then that it has reached epic proportions of holy _christ_ , this is getting pathetic that he’s still clinging.

Yep, the same way he clung when Derek left.

With snot and denial.

Some days he still thinks that he is – in denial, that is.

Stiles still remembers it. Of course he does. He’s only relieved the memory a hundred times short of piquing insanity.

It still lights his entire body up in fire when he thinks about it. The slow paced heat of pain that unfurls from his chest until it scorches up his throat, tightening the air passages of his lungs until he can’t breathe—until he’s suffocating.

That’s when the memory comes clearest.

“I don’t love you anymore.” Derek says, easily, like he was giving away fucking freebies at a damn road show. “So, please, Stiles. Just—just… _stop_.”

“But—” Stiles stutters and his voice cracks at the end. His eyes are already red-rimmed from having the same conversation with Derek since an hour and a half ago. They’re getting nowhere. Stiles still doesn’t understand most of the things Derek’s trying to accomplish with this ‘talk’. “You said that you would—”

“I know what I said.” Derek snips haughtily. He sounds cold, distant, almost playing the aloof card that it makes everything in Stiles break again. Never once had he heard that tone on Derek, not even on the bad days. “We’ve been going on a loop, Stiles.”

Stiles angrily wipes the tears catching on his bottom lashes and knows he’s a masochist when he asks, “When… when did you stop?”

Derek stills.

He looks at him, calculative, and Stiles has never felt more like prey in the moment. The weak, vulnerable bait that has themselves all twisted up in a long thought out trap. It kind of feels like déjà vu, just like that time a few years back when the doctors told him and dad that his mom was diagnosed with the last stage of breast cancer.

“Two months ago.”

Two months of Derek not being in love with him. That’s two months of them chatting idly around evening when they’re waiting for Stiles’ dad to come home from work for dinner. Less than two weeks ago, they were just swapping kisses during a spontaneous movie marathon at Derek’s loft—all of that, all of it.

Those were lies, wasn’t it?

“Okay.” Stiles breathes heavily.

It’s slowly sinking in, unwinding in him even though he can feel the pricks of heartbreak at the tips of his fingers. He thinks it’s also the same time that he actually breaks. “Okay, well… thanks. For, you know, the outright _lies_ that you’ve fed me the past two months then.”

Derek thins his lips, frowning. “I have nothing to say.”

“You have nothing to say.” Stiles laughs scathingly. “How about not saying anything from the start? Just so that this conversation would have never happened?” He’s mocking now. “Everything was just a lie with you, hasn’t it?”

“No.” Derek sighs loudly, like he’s given up on his fight with this argument. Stiles thinks it’s ironic because he’s getting the lousy end out of this yet it feels like it’s _his_ fault that this is happening. “I did love you. Before.”

Stiles bites his cheeks, feeling the tears well up at the corner of his eyes.

“Did you really?” Stiles asks. Yeah, he asks. Kindly, even. “Did you even love me then if you had easily fallen out of love with me? It’s difficult for me to try to understand, Derek. So, I’d rather walk away with the obvious facts.”

Derek inches a hand out like he’s trying to make him see a point but Stiles flinches away from him, snatching his hand and onto his chest.

“Don’t!” Stiles cracks, yelling finally. “Don’t you dare fucking touch me. You—you fucking stay away from me. You just told me you don’t love me anymore. You can’t just touch me when you don’t love me. It doesn’t work that way. It. Doesn’t.”

Stiles know he probably isn’t making much sense, rushing the words and blabbing out through his frustration and tears. He’s probably a mess of messily pulled hair and wetness painted across his blotchy skin.

Definitely a mess. That’s probably why Derek left him in the first place. A useless, pathetic mess that takes too much medication for him to have some semblance of normalcy.

“Okay.” Stiles swallows thickly. “Okay.”

He stumbles his way out of Derek’s loft and only loses it when he reaches the pavement of the road, crashing knee first onto the cemented ground. He’s dry heaving and clutching onto his shirt, pretending that it’s his anchor.

It isn’t.

His anchor doesn’t love him anymore.

He spirals, and spirals.

-

“I love you,” Stiles tells him, heart stuttering as he says it aloud for the first time after their sixth date.

Famous last words, man.

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently, I tackle canon angst with fanon angst. Have a little drabble and your heart shattered.  
> I apologize, please don't throw eggs at me >.


End file.
